Fix my rough draft

I have an essay that needs some errors on it.

First my essay is personal narrative essay.

I have written two pages that only I can come up with.

I will attach 3 pictures that show the mistakes in my essay. So, you can know the error from the picture then you can handle it.

Finally , I will write my teacher comments here , so you can also what should you do.

((This essay is a good start, but it needs more details.
When it is formatted correctly, it will be less than the required three pages in length.
There are also some mechanical errors to correct With no changes, this essay will receive no credit.))

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