English Composition

German E. Rivadeneira
2882 Southern Pines Loop
Clermont, FL 34711
germancho_sam@yahoo.com 22364865 250200 1 REQUIRED JOURNAL RETAKE ASSIGNMENT
English Composition (ENG100)
Student name: German Rivadeneira Exam number: 250200 Student number: 22364865 Date: 06/24/2017 Evaluator: RB Exam grade: 44%
Dear German,
Unfortunately, you earned a failing grade on the first-attempt of this part of your final exam
which is worth a total of 33% of your grade. According to the Academic Policies in the Penn
Foster Student Handbook and to improve the likelihood you will pass this required course, you
must prepare a make-up submission.
Within the next four weeks, submit a document containing the required journal entries once
again using the format required for the course journal as assigned on page 16 in your study
guide. Review the assignments as given in your study guide along with any related pages in your
textbook. Add to, delete, and/or revise your current entries to meet each assignment. Contact
the school with any questions about the requirements.
Include this set of instructions with your retake submission, or there may be a problem completing your evaluation. For electronic submissions, copy from "Required Journal" through the
evaluator’s initials and paste at the beginning of your retake document. For the file name of your
make-up journal, use your student number,******, and your name as required but add “Retake”
after your last name. Then submit your retake journal for grading.
Best wishes on your retake,
Education Department
Penn Foster College
250200 – Course Journal Evaluation
Unit 1: Introduction to Composition, Entries 1-6 Your journal will be evaluated according to the following requirements: Ideas and Content: How accurately and effectively you have responded to the entry; your writing focuses on the topic of the entry and is based on the correct reading assignments in your texts;
you effectively engage with the content of the reading assignments and compose thoughtful original responses to each entry; when required, you cite and document secondary source material
appropriately and correctly. German E. Rivadeneira
2882 Southern Pines Loop
Clermont, FL 34711
germancho_sam@yahoo.com Organization: How well each entry is developed; all paragraphs begin with an appropriate topic
sentence and are developed fully by using examples, illustration, and/or evidence; each entry
meets the required minimum length. General Correctness: How well entries meet the expectations of college-level academic writing
in the following areas:
o Sentence structure
o Grammar
o Word choice and spelling
o Punctuation Format: How accurately you have followed the prescribed format for the journal by including the
required header, entry title and date, and used correct margins, font, and line spacing. Comments
1. Me, A Writer?
Inventory Confused learning style and writing
Several other errors.
2. Correctness in Writing First paragraph requires further development. Several errors.
3. Prewriting/Thesis:
Thesis No claim.
Reflect No position to explain.
4. Organizing/Drafting:
Organize or outline
Paraphrased from
5. Revising: Many missing elements. Many
6. Evaluation: Did not summarize the steps of
the writing process. Many errors.
Format: header; title and date; margins, font,
line spacing:
Student Name/Number: German Rivadeneira
Evaluated By: June 11, 2017, A
100-90 B
89-80 C
79-70 F
69-0 10-9 9-8 8-7 7-0 15-14 14-13 13-12 12-11 20-17 17-15 14-12 11-10 20-18 17-15 15-13 13-0 15-14 14-13 13-12 12-2 10-9 9-8 8-7 7-4 10-9 9-8 8-7 7-0 ENTRY 1: Me, A Writer? Date: 06/24/2017
Exam Grade: 44% Commented [BR1]: Nice formatting. German E. Rivadeneira
2882 Southern Pines Loop
Clermont, FL 34711
germancho_sam@yahoo.com 22364865 250200 3 Attitude: By reading the beginning of all the steps that study guide and textbook gave me,
I have concluded that it takes a lot of information in order to become a good writer. My daily living and schedule will be a good thing to prove that I am able to write after taking it as a challenge due to my native language. Juggling between my responsibilities of being a father, a provider and a teammate at work, sometimes I find my time wrapped up trying to prioritize where
my time is needed most. Without any doubt, however, this process of learning how to write will
lead me to the success to reach my goals. I have no doubt that with the right amount of dedication and hard work, I can make the necessary strives to make this change.
Inventory: After completing the inventory quiz in the textbook, I was able to learn more
about myself and identify the type of writer I am. Based on the results from the quiz my level of
interaction with others is “independent” which means that I prefer to work more alone than in a
group. Regarding the approach of learning tasks, I am “creative” I lean more towards exploring
and experiment before getting the manual and follow the steps, at some point this can be helpful
because I tend to think out of the box but sometimes it takes me more time than just follow instructions or rules. About how I prefer to take in and process information I am “spatial” meaning
that I am a visual person and I preferred to learn by watching videos, graphic, drawing and other
types of visual tools. Another category within the quiz was the approach to decision-making and
problem-solving which according to the results I am “Emotional” where I prefer the majority of
the time to satisfy the needs of other rather than my own, and lastly the way in which I prefer to
perceive information is “Abstract” in which I see the big picture not many details.
Based on the results the two areas that I would like to improve will be the “emotional” and the
“abstract”, I understand emotions are important as they are connected to our feelings, however,
to bring any point across and earn credibility within the readers I will have to be more objective
in my writing, and also provide more details on the topic I will be writing about instead of seeing
the big picture and leave the reader in the air. June 11, 2017, ENTRY 2: Correctness in Writing Errors in grammar, spelling, and punctuation affect the relationship between the writer
and the reader in an essay by creating confusion and misunderstanding in the paper that has been
written. This is a challenge that all writers have when they want to communicate their knowledge
or when they need to write a report, a book, a letter, an email and so on. It is very important to
follow grammatical and spelling rules and proper punctuation to make sure that the message has
been delivered clear and correctly to the reader. Writers should always check and proofread their
work to avoid and minimize mistakes. This section requires further development. How do errors
affect the reader’s interest? How do errors affect the reader’s opinion of the writer and the writer’s credibility? Trying to identify my strength and weaknesses as a writer is not an easy task. I
consider myself as a person who can express anything orally; however,
when it comes to writing, this is something that is very difficult for me. My strength is that I’m
able to see the overall in a project or a subject that the reader can identify the general idea of Commented [BR2]: What?
Commented [BR3]: Please reword this sentence for clarity. Commented [BR4]: This word means “tries.” It does not
make sense here. I think you meant “strides.” Commented [BR5]: This should be “following.” Use parallel structure.
Commented [BR6]: Run-on sentence.
Commented [BR7]: This should be “prefer.” Do not
change tenses mid-sentence.
Commented [BR8]: This word needs to be plural.
Commented [BR9]: Run-on sentence.
Commented [BR10]: Indent the beginnings of paragraphs. Commented [BR11]: This was a learning style quiz, not a
writing style quiz. Learning style and writing style are two
very different things. You must change your answer to reflect
this. You need to think of two specific ways you want to
improve your writing that do not involve changing your
learning style. You cannot change your learning style. Your
learning style should be a tool to help you better retain information.
Commented [BR12]: Run-on sentence. Commented [BR13]: This should be “clearly.” Commented [BR14]: A new paragraph needs to start here. Commented [BR15]: Spacing error.
Commented [BR16]: “Overall” isn’t a thing. This doesn’t
make sense. German E. Rivadeneira
2882 Southern Pines Loop
Clermont, FL 34711
germancho_sam@yahoo.com 22364865 250200 4 What I am writing about. On the other hand, my weakness will be on how to provide details on
the topic that I am writing about. June 11, 2017,

• Commented [BR17]: This word should not be capitalized.
Commented [BR18]: This word should not be here. ENTRY 3: Prewriting and Thesis Statement Brainstorm: Social Media and Networking Website
Pinterest Respond: The main differences between the social media and networking websites are as
• Facebook is used for general information sharing with friends and family,
• Instagram only allows you to post brief information sharing such of videos and pictures,
• LinkedIn is an employment and business network for professionals online,
• Snapchat will be entertainment media,
• Twitter represent the online news where users interact with messages and
• Pinterest is a social network that allows users to visually share and discover a new interest.
And they are categorized as social for Facebook and Instagram, professional and news for
LinkedIn and Twitter, entertainment for Snapchat and Pinterest; and, all they have in common
are to connect people around the world regardless of the media people will be using. Thesis: From my experience using social media I have identified that depending on our
communication needs there are many options to choose from the internet. It seems like you’re
trying to say the internet gives people many options to communicate. This is fact. Your thesis
statement must make a debatable claim, which is an argument/expression of opinion. Facts are
not debatable.
Here are some notes on crafting and supporting thesis statements. These notes will also help you
revise your outline in Entry 4 and assist you with the classification and division assignments. Your thesis must make debatable claim, which is an argument/expression of opinion. Your thesis statement cannot be a statement of fact. Facts are not debatable.
Keep in mind that you should be writing this paper to persuade the reader to agree
with the argument you made (opinion expressed) in the thesis. This is not an assignment where you want to give both sides to an issue. You only give one side.
Consider these examples of thesis statements as you revise your own:
(1) “Fish are better pets than cats and small dogs for those who live in apartments.”
This assertion would be backed up by facts, like, “Fish don’t make noise that can
upset neighbors.” Someone else could reasonably argue that cats make better pets, Commented [BR19]: Never use “you” in academic writing. It creates a conversational, casual tone that is inappropriate for formal writing. When you use “you,” you are directly addressing the reader; this can be jarring and distracting to your reader. I will highlight all further instances of this
error in green.
Commented [BR20]: This wording implies that it isn’t
Commented [BR21]: Awkward wording. Commented [BR22]: This doesn’t make sense. German E. Rivadeneira
2882 Southern Pines Loop
Clermont, FL 34711
germancho_sam@yahoo.com 22364865 250200 5 and support that with facts like, “Cats can be cuddled, unlike fish.”
(2) Labradoodles, Jugs, and Puggles are similar in that they are designer dogs;
however, when it comes to choosing a loyal family pet, my experience is that the
overall health, adaptability, and temperament of a Puggle makes this curly-tailed
canine the dog of choice.
If I were writing a paper using the thesis “Cats make better pets than small dogs
and fish for apartment living,” I would choose only positive information/characteristics to include about cats and only negative information about
dogs and fish. “Fish cannot be cuddled.” “Dogs usually require outdoor walks.”
“Litter boxes are simple to clean.” I would not include information like “Cats were
worshiped by ancient Egyptians,” because it has nothing to do with cats being better pets.
If I were writing about fish being the best pets, I would use the characteristics of
fish to show why they are better pets for those who live in apartments. Fish have
scales, but that as a characteristic doesn’t show why they are better pets. But, we
can rephrase it to, “Fish do not shed, meaning these animals do not aggravate the
allergies of residents and guests. This also means less time vacuuming.”
Reflect: Throughout the years, communication technology has improved so much that
nowadays we have options for every need. If we want to gossip and share some kind of events
we will use Facebook or Instagram. To increase our professional network, find employment or to
know what is trending in the business environment we will use LinkedIn and Twitter, and to
have some fun, be creative and crafty or entertain ourselves and others we will use Pinterest and
Snapchat. June 14, 2017, ENTRY 4: Organizing and Drafting Organize/Outline:
1. Introduction:
Options to Communicate
Types of resources to communicate
2. Messaging: Commented [BR23]: This section required you to explain
the position you took in your thesis. You did not take a position in your thesis, as your thesis is a statement of fact. “Position,” in the context of this assignment, means “stance,” as
in “The candidates explained their stances on tax hikes during the debates.” These hypothetical candidates did not explain what tax hikes are. They explained whether they were
for or against tax hikes – their opinions on tax hikes. German E. Rivadeneira
2882 Southern Pines Loop
Clermont, FL 34711
germancho_sam@yahoo.com 22364865 250200 6 Delivering types of messaging
Options to send types of message
3. Email
Delivering types of emails
Options to send types of emails
4. Internet Engines search:
Options for concrete engine search
5. Social Network:
Options networks with types of social networking
Option to inform with types of social networking
6. Conclusion:
Analysis for most useful type of communication
Convenience of using types of communication
Reflect: By using this type of organization method my detail ideas will be supported due
to the order in which they were laid out. This outline makes my thesis statement be in a neat order. I believe the order of this essay will impress the reader one way to remember which option
to choose in communications. Many types of communications are good depending on which way
they will be used. My target is to educate the reader and help them to pick on different choices.
With this piece of information I wrote in this paragraph, I will catch readers’ attention. Commented [BR24]: This information does not prove
anything. This also looks very similar to the outline on
Commented [BR25]: What are detail ideas?
Commented [BR26]: This doesn’t make sense.
Commented [BR27]: You didn’t even include your thesis
statement in the outline.
Commented [BR28]: This sounds very similar to the outline on http://www.justanswer.com/long-paper/8×690-jan23-2015-entry-1-me-writer-1paragraph-sentencesattitude.html. You did not state which order you used and
why you chose it over the others. June 15, 2017, ENTRY 5: Revising Purpose and Audience: I believe the author is delivering a message in his writing that will
appeal to the new generation about the importance of physical communication via mail. The author’s primary purpose is to bridge the gap between modern society demands and the
Sentimental values that older generations cherish. The author includes clear examples of handwritten letters that deliver not only a message but also to release emotions on the receiver.
Personally, I write to family and friends, without using electronic devices, just to make them understand how much I value spending time in writing a letter. I agree with the author because it’s
the little things in life like writing letter that has an everlasting effect on the people you love. Did
the author make any generalizations or assumptions about people? Remember, generalizations
and assumptions weaken arguments and can be insulting. Thesis Statement, Topic Sentences, and Paragraphs: The thesis statement develops a serious and formal tone. The topic sentence definitely is focused, because it makes clear what happened in the paragraph about. The author expresses in his paragraph a view about the topic by Commented [BR29]: This word needs to be possessive.
Commented [BR30]: This word should not be capitalized.
Commented [BR31]: This word should not be here.
Commented [BR32]: Word choice error.
Commented [BR33]: This is off topic.
Commented [BR34]: You must identify the thesis statement by quoting it here.
Commented [BR35]: Each paragraph should have a topic
sentence. Which one are you talking about?
Commented [BR36]: This doesn’t make sense.
Commented [BR37]: Which paragraph? There are three. German E. Rivadeneira
2882 Southern Pines Loop
Clermont, FL 34711
germancho_sam@yahoo.com 22364865 250200 7 examples, definitions and facts, all related to human feelings. The essay tone and presentation
provides statistics about the qualities of a physical way of messaging interaction. I believe that
depend on the reader feeling and experiences, ideas in the author of “Email vs Letters" paragraph will catch the audience attention. You must identify the thesis statement by quoting it here.
We don’t know which sentence you are referring to otherwise. If you cannot find the thesis
statement, you must suggest one. Secondly, you did not answer if each paragraph had an effective topic sentence. A topic sentence must be the first sentence in a paragraph and must indicate
what the paragraph will discuss. Did the paragraphs here do this? Commented [BR38]: This word needs to be possessive. Evidence: The Author is using a variety of examples to give the paragraph specific orientation. The paragraph provides descriptive evidence with examples. The writer brings real
facts by comparison and contrast. The author develops his ideas from getting reader attention,
constructing a body and conclusions at the end of the writing. Evidence was considerable, real
and placed a message to situations on a daily basis. I am not sure what you are saying here. What
kinds of evidence did the author use? Are there other kinds of evidence that should have been
included? Commented [BR44]: This word should not be capitalized. Organization: The author ideas were organized in a structure of parts and functions. The
writer stated enough examples in the three paragraphs for the readers. The organization has a title, introduction, body, and conclusion. The writing enhances its ideas for readers by presenting
what the title will be. The parts and functions in the writing hold and give details on the body.
The writer places emphasis on the last paragraph and also draws a massage. Do you think the
author used an organization method to plan this essay? Was there really an introduction? Was
there really a conclusion? Commented [BR49]: This word needs to be possessive. Commented [BR39]: There were no statistics.
Commented [BR40]: This sentence doesn’t make sense.
Commented [BR41]: What? Do not use vague pronouns.
Commented [BR42]: This word needs to be possessive.
Commented [BR43]: This sentence doesn’t make sense. Commented [BR45]: What paragraph? There are three.
Commented [BR46]: What do you mean by this?
Commented [BR47]: All facts are real.
Commented [BR48]: These sentences do not make sense. Commented [BR50]: What do you mean by this?
Commented [BR51]: This is off topic.
Commented [BR52]: A massage is something like a
Commented [BR53]: This doesn’t make sense. German E. Rivadeneira
2882 Southern Pines Loop
Clermont, FL 34711
germancho_sam@yahoo.com June 17, 2017, 22364865 250200 8 ENTRY 6: Evaluation The Writing Process has been such of a good field for me because invite me to discover how to
write. Every time I was in need of writing something, my thoughts weren’t organized enough in
order to take the first step. By learning the writing process guide, my essays are going to have
more sense. I feel more confident in writing an essay’s homework using this process because it
will have ideas to understand. The writing process teaches me how to start with no Commented [BR54]: Indent the beginnings of paragraphs. worries from the beginning. The first element that I can have categorized is The Prewriting, here
I can prepare everything to begin my writing. You did not summarize the steps of the writing
process. Commented [BR57]: Spacing error. The other steps I have learned with the first element of writing is to put paper in paragraphs
structure. I can start my drafting and separate them in different techniques. Drafting teach me to
start paragraphs and giving them the main idea. I understand how to create bridges between sentences with transition words. My writing was all over without any join in sentences, now my
message or ideas come together. The textbook shows me where to reach evidence to support my
writing. This second element tells me too, that at the end of my introduction to state in onesentence the basis of the whole paper.
A final element that will teach me a lot of stuff throughout this study is how to achieve the desired result. The way I check my grammar and spelling properly will give to my writing and
readers respect. I learn not to skip this very important step because points and credibility will decrease. This third element is crucial because is tempted to skip the editing and proofreading stages. I am sure I will keep learning more the writing and elements skills. Probably after improving
my writing knowledge, I will bring with this study unit of College writing my Intellectual
knowledge to another level. Commented [BR55]: These words should not be capitalized.
Commented [BR56]: This doesn’t make sense. An essay
doesn’t own homework. Commented [BR58]: These words should not be capitalized.
Commented [BR59]: Comma splice.
Commented [BR60]: This doesn’t make sense.
Commented [BR61]: What? This doesn’t make sense.
Commented [BR62]: This should be “teaches.”
Commented [BR63]: Who or what is giving the main
Commented [BR64]: Comma splice.
Commented [BR65]: Awkward wording.
Commented [BR66]: Do not use this word in academic
Commented [BR67]: What desired result? What do you
mean by this?
Commented [BR68]: Awkward wording.
Commented [BR69]: Who or what is tempted?
Commented [BR70]: What are element skills?
Commented [BR71]: This word should not be capitalized.
Commented [BR72]: This word should not be capitalized.
Commented [BR73]: This sentence is awkwardly worded.

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